She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
