Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Randomize
