Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
