I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Randomize
