Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Randomize
