I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
