I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
