I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Congratulations! We have a period
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
