my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
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