Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
