so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
