So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Randomize
