sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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