Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I touched a dick in church today
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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