Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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