I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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