oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Randomize
