Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
