I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
