I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
My bed smells like the plague
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
