I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I understand Curling. That high.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
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