...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
