My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Randomize
