You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
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