Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Randomize
