No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
