This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
