Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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