hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
