well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Randomize
