the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Randomize
