we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
