his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
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