Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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