She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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