Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
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