Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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