He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Randomize
