My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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