I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
