Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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