I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
