I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
