Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
