They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
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