Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
