Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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