i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
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