You smell like stripper and shame
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
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