just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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