Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
So much Jack, so little girl.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
