no, he came in my armpit
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
