You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
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