And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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