I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
