Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
