in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
i barfeds in our rink
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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