I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
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