Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
