as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
