you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
