Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
