I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
