I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
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