I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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