Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
