You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Randomize
