Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
She even gives head with a lisp.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
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