please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
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