I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Randomize
