He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
