so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Randomize
