I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
