Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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