Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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