I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
