Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
