Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize