:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
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