Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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