I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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