I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Randomize
