Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Randomize