i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
