i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Princesses don't give blow jobs
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
