I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
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