Pregnant stripper...not hot.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
