Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
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