You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Randomize
