I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
