4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
