dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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