i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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