it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
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