Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
