I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
