Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Randomize
