I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
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