Got a toothbrush?
Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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