Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize