im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
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