the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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