dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
