sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize